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Many women in their late 30s and early 40s have postponed marriage or childbearing to obtain their education, establish themselves in careers, and become financially secure. These aspirations frequently have worked against the decision to have children. The passage of time, however, alters the way many women feel about motherhood by changing their perceptions about themselves as well as about the world around them. Additionally these changes may also have to do with having a new sense of maturity as well as a feeling of accomplishment. Thus, as women and men-feel more secure about themselves, their feelings and ideas about children and parenthood may also change.
As a couple moves into midlife, they must also begin recognizing and coming to terms with their own mortality. For many, parenthood is a part of successfully completing an important stage in life. As couples begin to see and understand the passage of their own lives, the need to pass along life experiences to new generations enhances the meaning of life.
Men and women in midlife, who have made the decision to have children, may find to their dismay that they are frequently thwarted by the inability to conceive or by recurrent miscarriages. For women, the realities of the biologic clock cannot be overlooked. At this point, many couples are faced with dual crises which can compound their problems - infertility, as well as a midlife crisis - the developmental life changes that normally occur in the middle years.
As women reach menopause, they begin to realize that the option of conceiving and bearing a child is closed to them. Just as the array of other life choices begins to narrow, the loss of this ability to choose to have a child can result in sadness and deep disappointment. The realization of this "missed opportunity" can also lead to self-recrimination and depression.
This is why the older woman presents a number of unusual personal problems. For one, most women can hear their own biologic clock ticking away loudly, and don't like being reminded about the fact that their age can be a limiting factor in their fertility. Moreover, many of these women are busy executives pursuing a career. They are very used to being successful, and find it difficult to come to terms with their biologic frailty. Because of all the media hype, they expect the assisted reproductive technologies to provide them with a quick answer. However, few reports emphasise that pregnancy rates in older women, even with IVF, are only half of what they are with younger women so that typically, a woman who is more than 40 years of age has a less than 10% chance of having a live birth in an IVF cycle. Older women also find it much more difficult to get social support. Society can be both sexist and ageist, and most people feel it is "unnatural" for an older women to want to try to get pregnant.
© Dr. Aniruddha Malpani and Dr. Anjali Malpani www.drmalpani.com
Credits: How to Have a Baby: Overcoming Infertility
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