Chapter 27

Using Donor Sperm

Therapeutic Insemination by Donor(TID) means using the sperm from a donor to achieve a pregnancy, and is a treatment option if the man is infertile. While TID is a well-established method for treating male infertility, it can be very difficult for the couple to accept. With the newer options for treating male infertility, such as microinjection, the need for TID has declined. However, these new techniques can be very expensive, and because they are out of the reach of many couples, TID is still a viable option.

Getting set for TID

Before a couple chooses TID as a treatment, they must remember the taxing ethical, emotional and psychological repercussions it has for both of them. The husband may feel threatened, isolated, inferior, insecure and jealous. He may wonder whether he will be able to play father to " another man's child ". In fact, with the advent of microinjection, coming to terms with TID has become even more difficult, since many men are forced to resort to TID rather than use microinjection with their own sperm, purely for financial reasons.

The woman may be resentful that she has to undergo treatment and turmoil for something that is not actually her "fault". She may also worry about bearing the baby of a total stranger; and will often have no support as this is something which she may not be able to share with anyone - even her own mother.

Couples undergoing TID often undergo psychological reactions that can be difficult to cope with. The sense of isolation is even more than with other forms of infertility, since most couples do not tell anyone they are undergoing TID - so that they miss the social support and sympathy that other infertile patients receive. The stress can be tremendous because the sperm of another man are being inseminated into the wife, and both partners experience many conflicting emotions. The involvement of a completely unknown third party as a sperm donor can make coping with the pregnancy especially difficult. Fantasies and nightmares may occur about the unknown donor - and there are also concerns as to whether the child will be normal and what the child will look like. Many men also experience sexual impotency at this time, but this is only temporary.

Now is the time to talk, and discuss matters frankly with each other to achieve togetherness. Air out all your apprehensions with honesty and maturity. Discuss how you will make sure that you will both be equal partners in parenthood. The wife will need to reassure her husband with tact, gentleness and humor of her commitment to him. Love, patience and understanding are very important - this is a time when the couple needs each other the most. Seek counseling from your gynecologist or fertility expert. Discuss other choices too. Don't rush into adopting a sperm - explore the alternative options as well!

Credits: How to Have a Baby: Overcoming Infertility