Chapter 29, Page 2

Physicians are generally optimistic that treatment will eventually work and this factor tends to bias their ability to provide advice about ending treatment appropriately (to say nothing of their financial motives). Some couples also feel guilty about stopping treatment even when they have had enough, because they feel they have let their doctor down by not getting pregnant -- especially when the doctor has tried so hard! Many couples have lived a lifetime with the notion that if they try hard enough, they will eventually succeed, so that the decision to end treatment seems like "giving up" or a lack of ability to persevere and beat the odds.

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How will you recognise when you have had enough? Watch out for some of these factors:

  • Do you feel emotionally and physically tired all the time?
  • Do you feel sad or depressed much more than you used to?
  • Are you finding it harder to be optimistic about your next treatment?
  • Do you glumly anticipate a treatment's failure in order to fend off disappointment?
  • Are you finding it harder to follow the doctor's instructions?
  • Has your relationship with your spouse started to deteriorate even further? Are you fighting a lot more?
  • Do you find yourself wondering why in the world you are doing all this?

There are positive reasons to consider ending treatment too - you don't have to wait till you are a wreck before making this decision!

  • Are you beginning to focus more on the child, but not your genetic contribution to the child?
  • Does the idea of stopping seem like a relief to a lot of your troubles?
  • Are you directing attention to other areas of your life - and enjoying it?
  • Do you feel proud of how hard you tried, and don't feel the need to do any more?
  • Is your curiosity about alternatives increasing?

If you're considering ending treatment, you and your partner will probably find that one of you is ready to stop before the other reaches that point. Remember, it's perfectly natural for people to move at different paces, especially through a process as complex and challenging as infertility and its treatment.

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Credits: How to Have a Baby: Overcoming Infertility

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