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Myth: If an adoptive family really loves the child and does a good job of parenting, then an adopted child will not be curious about his or her birth parents.
Fact: Children are often curious about those who play major roles in their lives. Most, if not all, adoptive children will want to know about their biological roots.
Myth: Adopted children are better off not knowing they are adopted.
Fact: Adoptees almost always find out that they are adopted. They then discover that their family has been dishonest with them. Adopted children may build better self-esteem when they have a clearer picture of personal birth origins.
Myth: Once the process of adoption is over, it is the same as having a biological child.
Fact: There are real differences in birth and adoptive families. The adoptive child will have different questions about adoption at each stage of development.
Myth: Adoptive parents make better parents because they want a child so badly.
Fact: The depth of desire for a child does not necessarily make for better parenting.
Myth: An adoptive child belongs to his new family forever and owes them something more than ordinary offspring.
Fact: An adoptee child offers neither more nor less to his parents than a birth child.
Myth: Once a couple has decided to adopt, it is more likely they will become pregnant on their own.
Fact: It is neither more nor less likely that a couple who has adopted will achieve a pregnancy.
Myth: Once adoption has taken place, the pain of infertility will cease.
Fact: The pain of infertility often lingers after the family has been established by adoption. Although happy with their adoptive families, couples may still want to pursue having a biological child. Adoption is not a cure for infertility, but it can be a cure for childlessness.
Myth: Prospective parents should adopt only after all possibilities of having a biological child have been exhausted.
Fact: Because of rapid developments in infertility management, there is no longer a clear stopping point for possible infertility therapies. It is helpful for prospective parents to look into alternative means for starting a family early in their infertility work-up - remember, taking infertility treatment and considering adoption are not mutually exclusive choices! Just because you are taking treatment does not mean that you are not "committed to adoption"; and just because you are considering adoption does not mean that you are decreasing the chances of the infertility treatment as a result of your "negative attitude". Often, couples pursuing infertility treatment may actually begin to see how an adopted child could be a good choice for them.
Myth: It is extremely difficult to adopt.
Fact: Although the adoption process can be tedious, adoption is possible for most couples.
Myth: Since India has an overpopulation problem, with so many unwanted children, adoption is a "better" choice for the infertile couple than taking treatment.
Fact : You cannot force someone to adopt a child, and adoption is not the best solution for all infertile couples. They need to be able to make their own choice. While adoption is a reasonable solution for some infertile couples, this is a choice which they have to make for themselves.
A good book to read to find out more information about Adoption is Nilima Mehta's Ours By Choice, which is available from the Family Service Center, Eucharistic Congress Bldg III, 5 Convent Street, Mumbai 400039. The full text of this book is available Here.
© Dr. Aniruddha Malpani and Dr. Anjali Malpani www.drmalpani.com
Credits: How to Have a Baby: Overcoming Infertility
