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Another part of the emotional process is often denial. You and your partner may find yourselves saying. "This can't be happening to us," and; rather than confronting infertility, you may choose to deny the problem. However, this phase serves an important purpose and allows you to adjust to an overwhelming situation at your own pace as you work at resolving your infertility. Denial is only unhealthy if it lasts for a prolonged period and prevents you from accepting the reality of infertility.
For some women, denial also leads to fantasising - and they dream of what life would be like with a child. They feel that all their problems would be solved if they got pregnant. They lose touch with reality and everytime they start treatment, they think they are going to conceive. They find it difficult to cope when it fails.
Guilt is an unfortunate but common response to infertility. In an attempt to determine why you are infertile, you may wonder if past behaviour caused the problem. Some individuals may feel that they are being punished for past sexual activities or an elective abortion. Often infertile partners may feel that they are depriving fertile partners of the opportunity to have children. The inability to produce a baby may also make you feel you have let your family down because you have not been able to fulfil what is expected of you - especially so if you (or your husband) are the only son or daughter of your parents. In large joint families, this stress can be stifling - and fertile daughters-in-law are given special privileges from which infertile women are excluded.
This is a common response especially if you believe in god. You promise to fast; offer penance; offer money; and to be good for the rest of your life if god bestours you a gift of pregnancy. Many infertile patients have visited an endless number of temples and "holy men" - and done yagnas and tapasya - in order to conceive, often at considerable expense.
You may blame one another for your inability to conceive, especially when only one member is infertile. Also, you may respond differently to the emotional aspects of infertility. For example, one of you may find that the other is less concerned about having a child. As a result of these differences, one partner may grow resentful because the other is not experiencing the same emotions on an equal level.
© Dr. Aniruddha Malpani and Dr. Anjali Malpani www.drmalpani.com
Credits: How to Have a Baby: Overcoming Infertility
