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Anger arises from having to confront a great deal of stress and many losses, including the loss of control. It is not unusual to resent pregnant women, and friends and family who do not seem to understand the emotional tension associated with infertility. Often the anger is directed towards doctors - and this is one of the reasons why so many infertile patients change doctors so frequently. Many infertile couples are angry with God as well, because they feel God is giving them a very raw deal, for no fault of theirs.
Feeling alone is a common experience among infertile couples and makes coping even more difficult. Most people cannot comprehend the complex feelings associated with infertility. Insensitive remarks, such as "relax and you'll get pregnant," or "after you adopt you'll have a child of your own," are not based on fact and can cause a great deal of pain. It is not unusual for relationships to change if friends and family are unable to understand and empathise with your feelings. Let your friends know that what you need is not their advice, but their support.
Infertility is an experience that continually fluctuates in intensity and direction, so that at different times you may have different needs and experience different emotions. There are no set "stages" in this experience, and, while, at one time, your emotions can be mystifying and frighteningly intense, at another time, you may simply feel numb. There may be moments when the fact of being infertile dictates every facet of your life. The way you learn to deal with the experience of infertility will also be different at different times. One day a particular strategy may help you a lot, but later on you may find it useless. At times you may find that the pain you experience is very destructive, but at others you may find it a useful motivating force in your life. It is important to acknowledge that emotional responses to infertility vary greatly, as do different people's methods of coping with them. Each person has to find his or her own way of coping with the infertility situation, and sometimes you might need help to accomplish this.
© Dr. Aniruddha Malpani and Dr. Anjali Malpani www.drmalpani.com
Credits: How to Have a Baby: Overcoming Infertility
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