Chapter 34

How to Cope with Infertility

Even though the stress of infertility is often unavoidable, there are many steps that you can take to decrease the pain. First of all, both of you must recognize that you'll have different feelings and different reactions at different times. If you expect your partner to behave in a certain way, you may create additional stress.

Together, you should become informed about infertility and its treatment. Learn to focus on those factors that are within your control (for example, stopping smoking) rather than those over which you have no control (for example, your age). As you examine the treatment options and emotional stages, you can identify in advance the times that you will have difficulty. Then, as a couple, you can plan to make them easier. Talk about your feelings concerning infertility and its treatment. Determine if your expectations of one another are realistic, and accept that differences of opinion may exist between you and your partner.

Sharing Your Feelings

Sharing your feelings is essential when dealing with the emotional aspect of infertility. At times, valued friendships are especially important, but friends and family may not understand what infertility means, and they will sometimes make insensitive remarks. As a result, feelings of isolation may increase, and this could lead to depression and loneliness.

Although it is true that many people do not understand infertility, it is important to remember that others don't know what you're going through unless you tell them. If friends make discouraging comments, try not to close them out. You may want to attempt to let them know how you feel and how they can help. Some of the following tips may be helpful.

Don't assume that everyone understands your needs and what you're thinking.
Don't always put on a brave front. Friends and family may think that you are not distressed and don't need emotional support.
Try to identify your feelings and share them. Putting your thoughts down on paper is often a helpful exercise.
Offer friends and family reading material concerning infertility. Articles or books with quotes from individuals who are infertile are especially beneficial.
Become aware of your own anger directed towards your body, your partner, and your friends. It is important to recognize its effect on you and your ability to communicate with others.
Examine your expectations of yourself and try to understand that infertility can lead to feelings of helplessness and loss of control.
Examine your expectations of others. You will be disappointed if you expect others to always be there to support.
Accept your own feelings and acknowledge that there may be a time when it is okay for you to avoid certain emotionally painful situations.

Credits: How to Have a Baby: Overcoming Infertility