Chapter 38

Helping Hands - How Friends and Relatives Can Help

This chapter is to help friends and family members to understand the needs of an infertile couple better. Sometimes it's difficult to know what to say to a couple that are confronted by an infertility problem because it's such a private matter that you'd rather not intrude. And, sometimes, it seems as if no matter what you do or say, it's the wrong thing.

Here are a few suggestions that may help you provide the support they need:

Be ready to listen. Infertile couples have a lot on their mind and need someone to talk to - help them get things off their chest.
Don't offer advice unless you are very well informed. You may not be sure what their specific medical problem is - and in any case, if they need medical advice, they can get it from their doctor.
Be sensitive and don't joke about infertility. Remember, infertile couples are hypersensitive about many things - try to put yourself in their shoes.
Be patient. Infertile couples are on an emotional roller coaster and often their moods and actions are unpredictable. Don't get hurt when they seem to be preoccupied with their problems - they are not rejecting you when they want to be alone.
Be realistic and supportive of their decisions. Once they've reached a difficult decision, support them, no matter what your personal feelings may be. After all, this is their decision; so don't say things like " I'd never consider doing that!"
Don't criticize their doctor or treatment choices. This only serves to aggravate their stress.
Understand that individuals and couples respond to infertility differently. Accept them for what they are, as they are, and where they are.
Above all, be there when they need you and show them that you care.

Credits: How to Have a Baby: Overcoming Infertility