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Discovering that you have a fertility problem can be a difficult process. In addition to the emotional stress you now find yourselves faced with making endless decisions about treatment. The word "decide" comes from a Latin root meaning "to cut away from." Thus decision making, by its very nature, involves loss, giving up one or more options while grasping another. Not deciding maintains the illusion that you can have it both ways - that there is no loss, no risk.
Unfortunately, most infertile couples have not learnt to make their own decisions - and not making decisions is in one sense the worst possible decision of all! You cannot allow your doctor to make treatment decisions for you either - this can be disastrous as well.
Most likely, your original goal was to have your own biological child. However, because of your fertility problem, you may be forced to examine your deepest feelings about family, children, and parenting. You could find that you have to re-evaluate your initial plans in order to get the family that you want.
As you work to identify your goals and examine your options, you'll discover that, essentially, there are four choices as regards treatment. Depending on the cause and treatability of your infertility, you may need to choose one of the following options:
You may want to rate each of the four options as "desirable," "acceptable," or "unacceptable" at the beginning of your evaluation and periodically re-evaluate these choices.
For some infertile couples, trying to have a biological child and childlessness (child-free living) are the only options. For, others, the switch from having a biologically related child to adopting or having a child biologically related to only one parent may be easier than having no children at all.
Many couples lose track of the fact that their main goal is to be parents, even if they can't be biological parents. Therefore, they may pursue infertility treatment for several years and find themselves above the age limit to adopt an infant through an agency. Furthermore, since a woman's fertility decreases after the age of 35, this also decreases the chances of successful treatment. You and your physician should try to take these possible consequences into account while evaluating and choosing your options.
If you are relatively young, there may be a good chance that you will achieve pregnancy without expensive procedures. Therefore, you may not wish to explore these as yet. If you are older and have less chances of conceiving, a more aggressive approach might be called for, since time is at a premium.
The decision making process is different for each couple and depends on individual situations and personalities. For example, some couples may opt for expensive high-tech treatments, while others in the same situation will wait to see if they can become pregnant without treatment.
© Dr. Aniruddha Malpani and Dr. Anjali Malpani www.drmalpani.com
Credits: How to Have a Baby: Overcoming Infertility
