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We will never know the reason why they occur. This is why most doctors would not investigate you after just one miscarriage, since the chance of finding something significantly abnormal is so small - and your chance of having a healthy pregnancy the next time is better than 85%. Most doctors would reassure you - and the best option would be to try again (even though this can be emotionally very taxing!). If you've had a previous miscarriage, it is very normal to be frightened and worried - and starting infertility treatment again can be very difficult. You have to start from scratch all over again - and you wonder if and when you will again get pregnant. The lurking fear of losing the pregnancy once more, if you do conceive again, could torment you as well.
Coping with pregnancy after infertility treatment can be difficult even if the pregnancy is going well. So much time, energy, love and money have been invested in the pregnancy that you don't want to take the slightest chance that something will go wrong. The anxiety can be overpowering - and even the minor aches and pains which are so common in pregnancy can send you rushing to the doctor for reassurance that all is well.
Your pregnancy will be monitored carefully, and this may involve frequent visits to the doctor as well as repeated ultrasound scans. You will be very vulnerable and terrified, and will be bombarded by suggestions from well-meaning friends and relatives as to what to do, and also what not to do.
If you are more than 35 years of age, your doctor may advise you to have a chorion biopsy or amniocentesis to screen for genetic defects in the newborn, such as Down's syndrome. Also, if you have multiple pregnancies, frequent hospitalization and bed-rest may be needed.
Yours is a "premium pregnancy", and will be treated as such even though your risk for complications is no more than any other woman's. However, since the pregnancy is so precious, the hazard is greater than for someone who has no trouble conceiving, which is why an "at risk" approach to managing your pregnancy is appropriate. This is why the chance of your requiring a cesarean section for birth are greatly increased, because neither you nor your doctor will want to take the slightest "chance" of something going wrong.
What about after the delivery? Is this when the joy and happiness you have been anticipating for so long begin? Maybe! Certainly life is never the same when the child you have been looking forward to for so long finally arrives, especially if you have twins! Babies are demanding and not everyone can adjust easily to the new situation. If couples are older then it may be harder for them to cope with the changes, especially after spending years of being together without the company of children.
The infertile woman who becomes pregnant expects perfection in every aspect of motherhood, because that's the stuff dreams are made of. However, when the reality of pregnancy, delivery and parenting actually takes hold, you may even feel disappointed, because real life is often harsher than you had imagined. For example, you may have a hard time coping with 2 a.m. feedings and you may even start to resent your having to get up to take care of your newborn. This can make you feel guilty for not appreciating what you have - your child, for which you worked so hard! Don't worry, this feeling is normal and will pass.
Your parenting also is going to be influenced by your experience of infertility, because your child is extra special and it is natural for you to want to dote on him or her. This can be wonderful for your child because he or she will always know how much he or she was wanted and how much he or she is loved - but watch out for the emotional traps of being overprotective and unintentionally spoiling the child.
© Dr. Aniruddha Malpani and Dr. Anjali Malpani www.drmalpani.com
Credits: How to Have a Baby: Overcoming Infertility
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