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The majority of this contains thoughts that my husband and I have only shared with each other. We're pretty sure that there are others out there who feel as we do, and we think that they should know that they are not alone in this.
Here we go...
DH and I have been TTC since March 2000. Went through tubal reversal surgery, two failed IUIs and a failed IVF cycle. We are now seven days away from our baseline appointment for our second IVF cycle. Are we scared? Maybe a little. I think it has much more to do with the unknown future of our country, than going through another cycle.
We are both Active Duty Air Force. No big deal. Until you throw in the fact that we are on the verge of war. Even that is not a major deal because we've trained for it. But add a baby into the mix. Now THAT is a big deal.
We're torn. Torn between wanting a baby, knowing that time is running out for us and our love & commitment to a country we would die for. Without hesitation. Do we press on and go through with the IVF cycle? Or do we put that dream aside and prepare ourselves and our family for what may come to pass?
We've already pre-paid this IVF cycle. The military clinic we are going to tells us that we must make the decision to continue or postpone...indefinitely. If we decide to go ahead with the cycle, can we get all the way through it without having to withdraw because of military commitment? We are still at a point where we can get back 100% of what we paid. Once we go to baseline, the amount of refund begins to drop. We could really use the money if war does result and we must rely on someone to help support our kids.
If we go through the cycle, are we jeopardizing a positive result by stressing ourselves out over the nation's situation? The whole IVF process can be stressful enough on its own. We were pretty strong through it all, even with unsuccessful results. But knowing that either one of us could be called away at a moments notice weighs heavily.
© Tracy Morris
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