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We want a baby as much as we want each other. But are we being realistic in our thinking that this is the right time to be trying this again? We both are doing exactly what we want to be doing by serving our country. But our country may require much more of us. Can we support each other fully through an IVF cycle AND give 100% to our country if required? We don't know. We've only had to do one or the other, not both simultaneously.
Had there not been an attack on the United States thirteen days ago, this would be a no brainer. We don't dare ask either of our family's about it because we don't want to hear, "how could you even think of doing such a thing right now". Or worse (if unsuccessful) "I told you this would happen", etc...
For now, we go as planned. We attend our baseline appointment, we begin our ritual of morning and evening injections, we go to our morning appointments and try to "compartmentalize" things. The morning and the procedure belongs to us. It is OUR decision. All the in-between hours belong to the job. By keeping the two separate for now, maybe we can maintain the sanity that is necessary to get through ALL of this. We still get to come home to each other, we are in contact with each other throughout the day and life is slowly returning to "normal" since the attack.
How can I think like that?
I'm a survivor. I was in the Pentagon at the time of the attack. I was just around the corner in my new office. A renovated office about 100 yards away from where the plane impacted the building. I nearly ran through fire to escape my own demise. If I can escape from a tragedy such as that, then maybe, the miracle of a baby could be in our future.
God bless all of you who may still attempt to defy infertility in these times. And may God bless the rest of you who choose to wait for signs of a better future. It's not an easy decision to make at all. And the demands of the military can put a heavy burden on those decisions.
Staff Sergeant Grace Lamoureux, USAF
© Tracy Morris
