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I must also add that, many times, the psychological intrusiveness of the adoption process, such as home study, background checks, and etc., can be rather daunting, given the physical intrusiveness of previous infertility treatment. It helps to remind oneself that the voluminous background information truly is gathered for the sake of the child-for his or her safety and well being. That helps to make the process more bearable.
An interesting fact about adoption is that it has a virtually 100% success rate in building families IF ONE COMMITS TO THE PROCESS. That does not mean that there may not be a withdrawn referral or a birth parent, who changes his/her mind about placing their child. In the end, however, children invariably are placed in families for those whose hearts are committed to parenthood. Infertility treatment cannot offer the same promise of family building.
By dealing with these grief and loss issues with sensitivity and awareness, one can provide a positive role model for their children. Our children can learn that by opening one door and closing another, one can surmount obstacles and strive toward the privilege of loving, and being loved by, a child. They can learn that the concept of "family" does not rest solely on biology. They can learn that love transcends many artificial boundaries frequently put into place by humans. They can learn that closing one door can open another door and another and another...
© Caroline Harding, MSW, MFA
Credits: Adopting Today
