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The workshop consisted of a smorgasbord of hour-long discussions on topics of medical, emotional, and marital issues related to infertility, such as advice on pursuing adoption, scientific talks on the causes of infertility, and presentations about new treatments. One title, "Childless to Childfree," intrigued us, so we both attended. In retrospect, the couple who gave the talk was still carrying some anger and bitterness, but they were in the process of forging a new life for themselves. This was the first time that the concept of living childfree had even occurred to us.
We both feel that this seminar was a major turning point for us. We both felt that this seminar was a major turning point for us. We didn't find an answer there, but it started us talking in a way we never had talked before. It was as though a taboo had been lifted. The main thing was that these were issues that could be talked about and dealt with as we did with other problems. After the meeting was over, I remember walking back and forth in the late evening sun over what seemed like miles of brick sidewalks on the Purdue campus - talking and talking.
Nothing was solved that day, but it did touch off months of discussing, negotiating, questioning, arguing - all of which allowed us to learn more about ourselves and each other. The wonderful thing was that we were talking. We were beginning to feel that we had some control over our live again. We stopped seeing ourselves as victims, helpless in the hands of fate. There were decisions that we could make. The way we saw it, our choices were these: to keep on hoping and trying after medical means had been exhausted, to adopt, or to live childfree.
© Jean W. Carter and Michael P. Carter
Credits: Perspectives Press
