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We are gearing up again, for a new house, a vacation, and maybe, a new pregnancy.
Jim and I have decided to stay the course for now, that is, stick with our previous plan of continuing to try until I am 40. So, we'll be doing clomiphene for another cycle, and progesterone supplements for good measure.
Another friend's pregnancy is following along the same course that my last one would have, had mine lasted. Seems like this happens every time. My sister-in-law conceived her second son just after my second loss. During our third pregnancy, I was in a neck-and-neck race with one of Jim's cousins. Now, a friend is due almost literally to the day in October that I would have been with Number Four. I've taken to referring to the previous pregnancies by number -- it helps to keep them straight in my mind.
While I certainly wish my friend well, we've had a few heated emails (mostly due to my own sensitivity), as she tries to complain about the physical and emotional taxation of late pregnancy. I try, but it's almost impossible not to get angry.
Still another friend has let me know that she is due with her second child, and this is an unplanned event. Unfortunately, it is also an unwanted one, and the only reason that I didn't come unglued on her is that she is one of my dearest friends. Well, I did come a little unglued -- told her I could not believe she was telling me, of all people, that she was considering a pregnancy termination. She agreed that it was selfish and thoughtless, but her pain is so great that she really can't see mine right now. Life sucks.
In addition to working a lot on the website and at the Academy, I am spending much time searching for a new house to buy. Our lease is up here in January, and we most definitely do not want to live in this house any longer than necessary. It is almost everything we do not want. It will be hard to get it together enough financially by then to get out of here, but it will be worth it.
We are escaping our miserable everyday existence by again vacationing at our favorite beach. The timing won't be right for conception, but we hope to at least return rested and ready for another clomiphene trial.
© Tracy Morris
