The Mystery Deepens

June 1998

Perplexed only begins to describe how we feel after learning the results from testing of our last pregnancy loss. It is another boy, and another Trisomy 15.

Just as we had feared, clued in by the similarity of how it all happened -- an early (6-week) heartbeat, all signs of a normal pregnancy, then suddenly no heartbeat at 11 weeks gestation with a conceptus that appeared to be 8 weeks along.

Given that we are both "normal" chromosomally, according to the tests, we are vexed. Well, I am. Jim seems to have taken an emotional backseat of late, which is understandable. Our doctor explained that this particular trisomy is not rare, and in fact may be a frequent cause of early miscarriage, as it results in developmental problems too severe to sustain life. But he offers no suggestions on why this has happened twice in a row to us, when our chromosomes are supposedly normal. It could be a problem with, again, my "advanced maternal age" and "old eggs," or it could be that something somewhere is going wrong with the whole cell-meet-cell process. We are referred for additional genetic counseling, which I have yet to follow up on.

As if to grind it all into my face further, my former boyfriend's new wife has given birth to a son. Naturally, my emotions are mixed, but it is nice of him to keep me posted on the news. It just makes me wonder about the way that life twists and turns, and even more about where I'll end up on this road.

Now, Jim and I must decide whether to try again, and if so, when. The questions now feel heavier than ever, knowing that there may be something wrong with us that will prevent us from ever having a child.