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For nearly five years now, I have concentrated my energy on working with families in which one or more of the members has HIV. Generally, I work with women and children, with the occasional male partner included in my caseload. The stress that these women live with daily is incomprehensible to me. I have spent much of my time helping them to avoid or cope with additional stressors. It is now time for me to take my own advice.
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After five months of actively pursuing pregnancy and no results to show for it, I have decided that stress is the primary culprit responsible for my inability to conceive. The charts that I diligently worked on supposedly demonstrated that I am indeed ovulating. My OB/Gyn said that we "should have nothing to worry about". Well, my anxiety is now telling me otherwise.
In an effort to relieve my stress, and therefore increase my chances at conception, I am finally taking active steps. Physically, I am in the best shape that I have ever been in, thanks to a regular regimen of weights and aerobic exercise; however, I am now concerned that my lack of body fat may hinder the process of reproduction. So in addition to lessening the intensity of my workouts (I've been trying to maintain the required pulse rate of 140 during my aerobics ~ not an easy thing for me), I have added yoga to my activities. I enjoy it tremendously, find it extremely relaxing, and the calming effects seem to last longer than the session. I plan on using yoga during the last months of pregnancy and the initial post-partum phase, as a way of maintaining strength and flexibility when I may be unable to physically maneuver my regular workout.
On the emotional side of things, I have begun a career venture unlike anything I've ever done before ~ direct selling. On a total lark, I have signed up to be a "consultant" for a major cosmetics company. I am finding the departure from my usual social work activities to be refreshing, and the mere thought of doing something more lighthearted for a career inspires new energy in me. Who knows how far it will take me, but the promises of my new comrades are enticing. This could literally be a way out for me, a way to work at home, at my own pace, earning an income while raising a family.
As I have so often encouraged my clients, just the act of doing something new and positive can be freeing. Now, my resolve to become pregnant and raise my child at home is growing stronger; my direction seems more clear. I am again optimistic. I can feel my blood pressure lowering and my fertility increasing already...
© Tracy Morris
