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One of the last things you ever want to say to someone who is trying to get pregnant is "Well, 'trying' is the fun part!". It ain't. After awhile, there is no "fun part". Absurd as it sounds, there is nothing like trying to have a baby to put an incredible damper on one's sex life.
Oh sure, I guess it could be fun if you're in your early 20's, with no health problems, abundant energy, time for a social life, and no idea of the complicated nature of conception... but that's not me. Yes, I've already been told by a physician that we should have no problems conceiving, and I was pleasantly surprised to learn from my basal body temperature charts that I appear to be ovulating regularly. Add to that the fact that at this point, I'm not even married yet (legally), and I should be having the "whoopee" time of my life. Instead, after just three months of actively pursuing pregnancy, I'm nothing short of exhausted.
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We're not talking about three months of creative, spontaneous lovemaking here. We're talking the same recommended positions and props (I've learned to sleep with a pillow under my butt) for every interlude. Most importantly, we're talking about trying to be excited about or even slightly interested in making love during certain days of the month, regardless of whatever else is going on.
Start the morning with a big fight over whose turn it is to make lunch? Just sweep that aside, because it's time. Dead tired from working yet another 12 hour day? Tough, time to get moving. How about those normal little squabbles about genetics and lifestyle that come during most couples' engagement period? Get over it pronto, if you want to get pregnant anytime soon.
If all we had to do with our days and nights was make love, we'd probably have procreated several times over by now. Instead, he's filling in the gaps at home, doing most of the housework after his own 40 hour week, while I'm trying to survive an increasingly challenging public hospital job plus my usual weekly volunteer work. In our "spare" time, we're working on our impending wedding, which like most, is rapidly starting to feel like a sudden rockslide. The rest of the time, our favorite activity is sleeping. Go figure.
Everyone, including yours truly, makes a lot of assumptions when it comes to conception. After all, the activity that accomplishes such a feat is supposed to be one of life's greatest joys. When the goal of the activity becomes tightly focused, however, the joy diminishes, to say the least. Occasionally, we are successful in having sex "like we used to", as my husband-to-be puts it. That is, we actually enjoy ourselves even if the event lacks spontaneity. More often than not, though, we feel like characters in a sitcom, where the laughter is off-stage only.
Those of my friends (most of them, that is) who are not embarking yet on their own baby-making-go-round just don't get it, and I tire of hearing tongue-in-cheek remarks about how much fun we must be having. I know they mean well, and are just trying to find the "bright spot" in our trial. I find that I am re-examining my own previous attitudes toward couples who are "trying" to conceive -- I don't think that I ever gave it much thought, but I'm now hoping that none of the things that I've heard recently have ever come from my mouth. Fortunately, at this point I haven't "gone off" on anyone yet -- but it may only be a matter of time.
© Tracy Morris
