 |
 |
|
Open communication is needed to come up with a course of action, and to amend that plan as changes occur. Some may need a written, step-by-step plan in order to feel comfortable that they are doing all that they can to achieve their goal of having children. For others, the "plan" may be to not plan at all.
The important thing here is that both parties agree on whatever is decided -- whether that's to go through every possible test to get at the root of the infertility, to skip over the diagnostic phase and head straight for assisted reproductive technologies, or to wait and see what nature's course provides.
Regardless of the initial decisions, events will unfold over time that require more decision-making sessions. In particularly lengthy cases, these "bends in the road" may come along all too often for some individuals. Allowing break times for each other, to breathe, to grieve, to have fun, is a form of loving.
Whether through the seemingly endless round of diagnostic tests, drugs, and procedures, or through one lost pregnancy after another, couples cite that the important thing, or glue, that held them together was simply "being there" for each other. "Being there" denotes companionship, and doesn't always mean deep conversation, grand action, or passion. It means being a friend to one's partner, just as one would to another friendly relationship.
It helps some to visualize the hardship (in this case, infertility) as a foe of the relationship. This can take the edge off of tendencies to blame each other or ourselves. Present a united front against infertility's assault on your life and emotions.
There's an old, true saying that "marriage is rarely a 50/50 proposition." Sometimes it takes 95 percent of one partner's effort while the other is only emotionally available for five, and vice versa. It takes "being big" at times, and sometimes, a lot. It's hard, but this kind of give-and-take is one of the basic premises of marriage or other lifelong commitments.
© Tracy Morris
|
|
