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Relationships do end over the issues uncovered or introduced by infertility. That is an unfortunate reality. For some individuals, not being able to conceive or carry a child may muster up long-quieted, painful feelings of guilt and shame. It is not uncommon to experience hopelessness, anger, self-pity, sadness, and a myriad of other emotions -- for some, these feelings are too high a price. When the individual breaks down, so might the relationship.
When a couple no longer agree on certain "foundations" of their relationship (such as whether or not to have children), when a relationship begins to fail, it may be time to reassess individual hopes and goals. One's initial intentions toward the relationship may come into question, as well as one's original motivation for wanting children. Such self-exploration is of the most painful kind, and is often best handled with the assistance of an outside observer.
There are now more professional counseling resources that are specific to infertility and its issues. While the act of seeing a professional for help often carries a stigma, in fact, it is a sign of a healthy survival instinct. Talking with a counselor, whether that be a psychologist, social worker, clergy, or other trained helper, can not only help individuals and couples through rough spots in the road, but may also be able to help them see the gifts of infertility.
It is hard to see beyond the immediate pain of infertility to the invaluable treasures that would not otherwise be yours. Hard, but not impossible, and in the end, may save your marriage. Many who have travelled this road before and found resolution, whether through being parents or remaining childfree, say that their relationships are forever changed for the better because of it.
Infertility causes a marriage or partnership to exercise every muscle it has, even those we didn't know were there in the first place! As with any new exercise, it is slow-going and painful at first, hard to raise the energy for, and results seem slow to come. Through commitment and persistence, the flexing and stretching pays off with a finer-honed, healthier relationship. What better way to greet your resolution to the trials of infertility than with a satisfying, loving partnership?
© Tracy Morris
