Keeping Your Marriage Alive

Making It Work In Spite Of Infertility

To the uninitiated, the term "trying to conceive" (or TTC) is synonymous with inspired sexual relations and all that can mean to a marriage. For those who have been unsuccessful in their attempts to have children, however, TTC can become a disabling label that can end even the best of relationships.

Literature is plentiful about the ravaging effects of infertility (and also for our purposes, miscarriage) on a marriage or partnership.

So how do you beat the odds and use your experiences to actually make your marriage better?

Agree It's A Major Life Event

First and perhaps foremost, while perceptions usually vary, it is important that both partners view their experience as one which can be truly catastrophic in nature. That's not to say one should look pessimistically upon the situation and feel hopeless. Rather, individuals going through infertility should acknowledge that this is indeed one of the biggest challenges that life may ever throw their way, and its effects should not be taken lightly.

As with other traumatic life events, infertility can provide "make or break" scenarios for the relationship. Most of us have heard how the death of a child often results in the parents having a troubled relationship down the road; yet, many do not consider the impact of never being able to conceive or to carry to term a child as quite so acute. In fact, it can be.

Keep the Lines Open

It should go without saying that open communication between partners is paramount in maintaining a fulfilling relationship. This is even more true during times of turmoil, such as through the infertility experience.

Communication includes candidly sharing your thoughts and emotions, optimally in a manner that is received well by the listening partner, and listening with an understanding, compassionate ear. Granted, this is easier said than done and is a true test for any relationship.

Communication requires that each individual know him/herself and their own "buttons" or flashpoints, that is, issues which create an instant mode of defensiveness. Likewise, partners should try to remain sensitive toward the others' "weak spots".

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