Primary vs Secondary Infertility

Just received a very interesting email, the kind with a tone that slaps the reader in the face. I get those occasionally, which is understandable given that a lot of people (okay, maybe all) who are dealing with infertility are angry.

This one illustrates the quiet but very real gulf between those with what we call "primary" infertility and those with "secondary." Primary infertility refers to the inability to conceive or maintain a pregnancy. Secondary refers to those same inabilities after having been successful at least once before.

I'd like to share it with you, not to embarrass the writer, because I won't identify her and her feelings are valid, regardless of her expression. I want to share it as a reminder... I've done very little editing, because I think her punctuation adds to the overall tone and intent:

I have only one question... After reading a poem online about Infertility, I would like to know "Why are pregnant women, or women who already have a child and just want another, writing to an infertility site?"

There are those of us who CANNOT have "A" CHILD at all. We have a hard time reading about their so called stress over whatever, "at least they ARE pregnant." They need to look at their lives as being already blessed and STOP AND THANK THE LORD!

There are those of us who are facing the fact of NEVER conceiving in our lifetime. Why would women be so heartless to write to an infertility site, when there are baby sites, and doctor sites out there, if you have questions. IF you're pregnant or had a child "YOU'RE NOT INFERTILE".

Thanks for listening.

This woman's obviously grief-stricken comments are a reminder that the pain of infertility cuts very deeply. She reminds us also of the difficulty of communication, even between those who might otherwise be kindred spirits. Unfortunately, what her letter does not do is to help anyone who has ever experienced infertility.