When I started down the path of infertility a few years ago, it felt like I had been dropped into a foreign land. I didn't know where I was, where I was headed, I didn't understand what was being said, and I certainly hadn't been given a map. I would like to share with you what I learned through my struggle with fertility and my training as a coach in hopes that you will benefit and find the journey smoother.
- Infertility is a medical condition in the same way that heart disease is. Learn about it, treat it, and by all means, talk about it.
- Your medical team is made up of intelligent humans who probably got in the field because of their compassion and desire to help. They are there for you - ask for what you need and want. If you won't ask the questions, who will?
- You are more than your fertile or infertile self. Enjoy every moment of your life; fill it with people and activities you feel passionate about.
- Communicate with your partner; ask for what you want. You may or may not get what you asked for; let your success be in the asking.
- Trust. Let go of the need to control the process and the precise outcome.
- Be crystal clear about your intentions. Define the feeling you want to experience; from that place, your goals will be clear to see.
- There is more than one way to create a family. While you may not initially want to travel down an alternative route, the end result is the same: Your Family.
- The fertility journey is not the most romantic path a couple could take. If you are in a partnership, remember why you are there and let that person know. Enjoy each other - go for a walk, play Monopoly, eat popcorn in bed - whatever the two of you love to do together.
- Build a support network. If you were struggling with heart disease, you would ask for family and friends to help, right? Let those you trust into your world and let them know, specifically, how they can help. Find a local support group or hire a coach. Strike up a conversation with someone in your doctor's office waiting room. Chances are, you have much in common and can find support from each other.
- Be gentle with yourself. If it has taken you longer to have a child in your life than you planned it is most likely not your fault. Beating yourself up will not help your situation and may, in fact, hinder it. Be gentle, kind and loving to the most important person in this process: you. Be it a relaxing bath, a quiet moment, or a decadent treasure, give yourself a gift now and then.
Wishing you a happy and easy journey.
© Helen Dutton
