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Losing a child is supremely painful, no matter the child's age or circumstances of the death. People coping with infertility are, in general, at higher risk for miscarriage for many reasons, so there are many among our trying-to-conceive (TTC) community who are not just TTC, but are working to bring a conception to a happy fruition. There are many, many among us who are silently grieving lost children whom they have never seen.
In pregnancy, a loss is a loss, regardless of whether it was the tragic birth of a "still" child or the dissapointing discovery of a never-filled embryonic sac (blighted ovum). Particularly when a person has gone through more than usual efforts to conceive or has taken many cycles in which to do so, having one's joy end suddenly and without warning, or over time and under great duress, is life-altering, and in some cases, shattering.
Contrary to the popular notion that one should "get on with life" after miscarriage or other pregnancy loss, it is healthy and good to grieve such losses in their own time. Finding support for such grief can be difficult, especially for those who have lost very early pregnancies.
Support resources do exist, however, and each year one of the simplest, yet most meaningful, acts of remembrance for all children lost to death, a worldwide candle lighting, can bring a new sense of grace to those who are grieving.
In 1969, two families in England whose young sons had died within days of each other met and started a relationship of support that bound them together in healing. Their intimate gatherings would soon become monumental for grieving families around the world.
A young reverend at the hospital where the boys had passed away began referring other couples to the families, who had started to meet regularly to talk about their children's lives. In 1972, the first U.S. chapter of "The Society of the Compassionate Friends" was begun in Florida, and The Compassionate Friends (TCF) was incorporated as a not-for-profit in 1978.
Today, The Compassionate Friends offers several hundred local chapters around the world and is known among bereavement professionals as a highly reputable source of solace for any family members of any child who has died from any cause.
© Tracy Morris
