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While this is a fear that is not easily or comfortably expressed, it is real. The process and concept of attachment as it relates to parent and child is now known to be of great importance. Concerns about how the adopting parents themselves will feel toward a newly adopted child and how they will fare through the bonding process may be greatest for those who will be first-time parents. It could be also that such fears are greatest for those who have never been closely affiliated to adoptive situations, either through their extended family or friends.
As with most fears, the best way to deal with them is to be open to acknowledging and willing to discuss them with others, even if only anonymously. There are numerous online resources for doing just that, and for helping prospective adoptive parents feel more resolved about their decision. There are also numerous reading materials, online and off, that will prepare adoptive parents for the bonding process and what to expect from the moment of placement.
One would be hard-pressed to find an adoptive parent who willingly acknowledges aloud that regardless of their preparation, in the end, things did not turn out for the best. In fact, you'll generally hear just the opposite, such as this from one of the visitors to our forum:
"All I want to say is that if adoption is truly the right thing for you to do, your perspective changes once you meet your child."
Most experts point to the use of adoption agencies over lawyer-only adoptions as one of the best ways to feel secure in your preparation as an adopting parent. If you are using a lawyer instead of an agency, it is recommended that specialized counseling assistance be sought in addition. Often such assistance may be available through the social worker who performs the state-required homestudy.
© Tracy Morris
