Who Speaks for the Children?

I spent the last two weekends at conferences. Two weeks ago I attended the national meeting of The American Adoption Congress. Last weekend, an international conference for nurses in reproductive medicine. At both meetings people spoke about children being raised by parents with whom they have no genetic ties. At both meetings they were talking about building families in alternative ways. I only wish that they could have listened to each other.

Actually, my wish is that attendees at the second conference-the nurses--could have heard what the adoptees had to say. I wish they could have heard the poignant, powerful accounts of the adoptees' experience of being cut off from their genetic heritages. I wish that they could have heard adoptees speak of their searches, not for new parents or "real" parents, but for roots, for ties, for truths.

The nurses - from throughout the United States and Canada - conversed about embryo donation and anonymous egg donation. They spoke of the mechanics of organizing a "program", of the medical protocols, of consent forms and of support for the donors and the recipients. What was strikingly absent from their conversation were any questions or concerns about what it means to intentionally create children knowing that they will not be raised by both of their genetic parents. The nurses spoke compassionately of the needs of adults involved, but made no mention of the children.

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