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So, our first inclination is to think of support groups as sort of 1970's style, circle-sitting, hand-holding, tear-jerking gatherings. We attend a "real" support group, such as RESOLVE, and learn otherwise. So what exactly is this "support" that we're looking for within these groups?
For many, hearing the experience of someone else, whether it's shared through a formal presentation or on the sidelines after a meeting, can feel like support. It is not selfish to find yourself thinking, "Whoa. I could never go through all of that. I would never do IVF. Adoption isn’t for me. I am not like these women. I am going to get pregnant right away and not have to jump through all these hoops," as did Renee at her first RESOLVE meeting. It is natural, normal, and even helpful to your own state of mind. It isn't necessarily denial to react with shock and disbelief when early on in your journey you hear someone else's tale of infertility.
In her experience, Renee also cites the importance of talking with people "who've been there," adding, "This is the single most valuable resource for validating my research and finding out what is real and what is a waste of time." Learning that what you've read is either right on target or way off is highly supportive. In fact, most people feel a genuine lift in their emotional well-being even from sharing nothing more than factual information.
Renee sums up, "Becoming involved with RESOLVE has provided me with emotional support, education, resources, camaraderie and hope; as I see people like me that do become pregnant or do successfully adopt babies. It also makes me feel like I am proactively taking control and doing everything I can to better my chances.
Mostly, there is tremendous comfort knowing that I am not the only one that really wants to have a family and is struggling to remember that the light at the end of all the poking and prodding on my body, endless medication, blood tests, ultrasounds, doctors visits, research, monies etc. is a happy ending of a take-home baby."
© Tracy Morris
